Why just a day ?

Just a day is inadequate , the women in our lives to celebrate! 

Every year, on the eighth day of March , we unabashedly put on our whites with starch, 
Dust the traces of bias if any we had and vax eloquent about the WOMAN, so clad. 
We message and tweet, update our status so sweet, tis a fad I say and I must add if I may, 
That a species so fine, revered and divine, needs respect everyday not just at a specific time. 

Just a day is inadequate, the women in our lives to celebrate! 

Songs we dedicate, quotes we circulate, work we appreciate, inboxes we populate, 
Publicly we write, ‘bout how we will fight, for her honor and right, showing off our might. 
Oh how I so wish, that the man could do this, 365 days of the year, and not just for a day my dear Cause the women in our lives, be it daughters, sisters, mothers and wives, don’t need a day…. and I hear them say… 

“we don’t need a day, just as you don’t have one, all we need is our say….to be seen as one…to be seen as one” 

Just a day is inadequate, the women in our lives to celebrate!

PUNCTUATE YOUR LIFE!

A significant part of my life in this city has been spent traveling to office and back in autos, buses and trains, much as it is with all of us. Getting into and out of them leaves you with little or no time to notice what’s happening around you, what with you having to negotiate your way through people, traffic, hawkers, animals, ditches and then some more.

As luck would have it, life took a turn for the better and I was bestowed with a vehicle and a chauffer to drive me to office and back home, which took some time getting used to, I must admit.

One bright sunny morning I got into the back seat of my car as usual, rolled down the window panes, allowed myself to relax while feeling the cool breeze gently caress my clean shaven jaw line ( Not that I had a sculptured one at that), and chose to look out of the window rather than indulge in the usual flipping through of my morning newspaper. What I saw out of the window of my car that day brought with it a realization that never ever occurred to me before. I SAW HILLS. Yes I saw hills beyond the sky scraped concrete jungle that so uncomfortably enveloped my life up until then. Hills? So what? Haven’t you ever seen them before? What’s so unique about them hills?

Well the difference is, I had never noticed those hills before. In all my years of traveling to and from office, all I ever noticed was trucks, cars, buses, peoples faces, buildings, malls, green, orange and red lights. But that day I took some time off and looked up and around, the green sheet of cover across their huge beings, topped with misty cloud covers made them look so majestic and powerful. I was unaware of their presence around the city I live in, that moment I was overwhelmed by the fact that they were there all along waiting for me to take notice of them and acknowledge their existence; and here I was cruelly ignoring their towering presence around me. I smiled to myself and thanked god for teaching me my lesson in punctuation. Today I make it a point to slow down, take some time off and look at them hills everyday as if to say thank you for being there, and seeming like a protective shield and making me realize that there is more to life than just our immediate surroundings.

All of us have at some point of time realized the presence of something in our lives, which existed all along but didn’t get our attention because of the pace with which we go about our daily chores. Punctuating; our lives just like this sentence, allows us to slow down and take note of what’s happening around us. Try it, slow down, after parking your car walk back home a little slower than you usually do, you might notice something new. Take the stairs up to your floor instead of the lift you might meet new people and may even strike up a lifelong friendship. Look around, stop a little and the beauty of creation and people around us will enrich our lives even further.
-Fabian Cowan

Interview with a 5 year old

The loud noise in the background was that of my son, he was talking to his cars, sometimes shouting then yelling and smiling at times, yes 5 year olds do things that sometimes seem insane to us older lots. While I watched him do so amidst the cool breeze that was brushing past my stubbled exterior, I challenged my mind the traveler that it is to take me back in time to an age when I was a little boy. My mind zipped past in reverse, counting the years backward with efficient speed, my first step in Mumbai, the days back college, all through school, the playground in the backyard with the guava tree towering above the little man made pond, the fishing bouts with my friends at the lake, the jelly fish bite on the beach, the beating we got as kids near chikku wadi, and then suddenly it came to a grinding halt where I found myself to be all of 10 years old, on my blue cycle with white tyre rims, zipping down the pass near bushi dam. I tried but failed to latch myself to a straw that would pull my mind back a few more years to a point when I was 5 but I failed and gave up. I wanted to know how I felt when I was five and what my son now feels right now. Having tried and failed I decided to observe him much more closely, by doing so I taught myself a few lessons that are gems in their own right.

5 year olds I am told live in the “here and now”, they take delight in the things that are happening around them at that very moment. If they are playing with cars, they put on the mask of drivers, if its nuts and bolts they are playing with, they are efficient engineers, if it’s a puzzle, there ain’t no amount of chocolates that can distract them, I tried alluring him with chocolates once while he was deciphering the pooh puzzle, and learnt another truth, there is always time for a quick bite of the dark sweet temptation that we all call chocolate. He had his chocolate and ate it too and went right back into his creative maize.

What surprises me all of the time is the challenging times our kids live in. In our concerted effort and attempt at getting him admission into a new school we both my wife and I took him to the new school and sat in the admission head’s cabin, after the customary hello’s and a few signatures on a some very important sheets of paper we were asked to leave the room, so that she could interact with the child one-on-one. I was hesitant, as any father would be, how can i leave him alone, he needs me’ he always has. I requested the lady if one of us could stay as he might feel intimidated, she sternly said “LEAVE” now. We left, shoulders drooping, and slumped ourselves into the sofa in the waiting room. The sofa was too comfortable any lower and our bottoms would be touching the cold concrete floor below us. The next 10 minutes seemed like an eternity, we were tensed, anxious, and extremely emotional. How could a 5 year old deal with a situation he has never been in, fielding questions from a stranger, answers to which would define the path his life takes here on end? The images of his little fingers, his tiny toes, his first gurgle, the first steps he took and the many others I helped him with flashed against the, by now weak walls of my mind, and it was brought to halt all of a sudden by the loud shriek of the door bell that rang from inside the cabin. We had been called, I was a nervous wreck by then, what would she tell us, how did my son do? I had conditioned myself to hear the worst, but the smile on my sons’ face and the pleasant contours of the teachers face brought some delight to mine. He did well. That was my proudest moment yet, I must say.

My lesson in life; Even a five year old has his moments of truth, even 5 year olds need to take a stand, adapt, compete, deal with stress, and deliver. As a parent you can be as protective as you want to be, teach as much as you can, hold on to them as long as you want, but then there comes time when you need to let go and hope they live life by the lessons you have taught them. Memories are made of these, and lessons are there to be learnt every moment of our living lives.

My son learnt his, while I learnt mine.

Lessons from a Soup Bowl

When Patrick was promoted to a manager last quarter, he found himself in a precarious situation. He had to continue doing what he did as a senior sales resource which was to go out in the field and close deals himself and at the same time had to start leading a small team of three sales executives who were looking up-to him for guidance and motivation. The transition was difficult as he had to change hats many a time in the same day. It started taking its toll, it always does. His team was running in all directions but the one direction he wanted them to.

One evening disheartened he visited his nephew’s home and as children often do, Patrick was made to read to his nephew a story of the wooden soup bowl which went like this…

An old man who lived in his village all his life moved to the city to live with his son who was married and had a family. Upon arriving in the city the father was excited to be with his son’s family and developed a special bonding with his grandson who was 7 years old. Initially everything was fine but as days went by, the old mans son started treating his father badly, he was made to sleep in the servant’s quarters and he was not allowed to eat at the table with the family. This disturbed the old man quite a bit. His grandson too was sad at the way his father was treating his grandfather. One day when the old man mistakenly broke a glass bowl full of soup his son and wife gave him a dressing down and handed him a wooden soup bowl in which to eat his food henceforth. The grandson was heartbroken, he went to a carpenter and spent time making a wooden soup bowl which he presented to his father that evening and said, “Dad when you are frail and old and have no strength you too will come to live with me when I will be all grown up and have a family of my own, this will be your bowl to eat from, take this and bring it along at that time so that I don’t have to give you a glass bowl which you might break in your old age”. The Father learnt his lesson that day and never treated the old man badly thereafter.

The three lessons that Patrick learnt from this story as a manager are..
Set the right expectations- Share with your team in all honesty that just because you have been promoted to a manager does not mean that you will inherit all the skill sets required to lead and inspire a team immediately. Just like the young father in the story, though a father he still had lots to learn and acquire in dealing with his family. Encourage your team to walk with you in your journey of learning by which they too will benefit and grow.
Empathize with your team- Put your self in to their shoes as this will enable you to deal and interact with them in a kinder more understanding way thereby allowing them to give you their best. Something the son never did and then had to be reminded by his little seven year old that empathizing with his father would help him get empathy from his son when he grew older
Lead by example- Do what you believe in and show how it is done, as this is the best way to lead your team and help them to grasp the finer nuances of the sales profession. The little boy did just that he did what he wanted and taught his father a great lesson on relationships.

As you work towards becoming a better leader remember the wooden soup bowl as it will help you brew your skills as a manager and leader of your team.

Fabtoid- A lesson is best given when told in the form of a story, tell stories and weave it with a message for your team, they will learn faster and appreciate the input. Fabian Cowan

A Case of Space

The connotations that go along with the word space have never ceased to amaze me, as is the case I am sure with many others of my ilk. The web definitions of the word S P A C E, oscillate between the technologically driven “a blank character used to separate successive words in writing or printing; to the geographically inclined “an empty area (usually bounded in some way between things); “they stopped at an open space in the jungle"; to the philosophical “the unlimited expanse in which everything is located.

The space that defines the genesis of this written piece is the one that is expressed in oh so many conversations in passing, eliciting debates and insights that derive largely from personal experiences. One such conversation that particularly scratched the surface of my imagination was based on the quantitative aspect of space that defines the success or the lack of it in a relationship. My colleague waxed eloquent about the fact that he made sure that he got his share of space every year by driving off to virgin lands in his quest for peace and tranquility which was the basis of his rejuvenation process and was man enough to extend the same privilege to his spouse thereby forming the basis of a convivial and lightened relationship. So was the case with a dear friend who sought his share of space every week in the fulsome helpings of the sunset yellow tinted liquid poured over finely caricatured cubes of ice. Another enlightened friend suggested that he did not have to move from point A to point B in search of space but created it out of where he was, it is all in the mind he would say; “My space begins where I wish it to be”. And there I would imagine lies the essence of the need of space.

One does not have to go to the hills to find enlightenment as Andrew Matthews, the famed author says, but it can be sought in your backyard if you wish. Space need not be a place where you go to seek it; it is within oneself, if only it can be reached.

“… man doesn't belong out there. Man belongs wherever he wants to go -- and he'll do plenty well when he gets there”….said Wernher Von Braun the German Rocket Pioneer.

Whatever the case of space may be, it is imperative that each one of us finds it, ideas of space may differ, but that’s exactly what it ought to be, our individuality defines our need for space and the kind that we resort to in order to grow and evolve as people.

Written with insights from my dear friend ST

Why Johnny Quit!

If you are at a level in your career that bestows you with the privilege of leading a team then not reading this article will be a grave injustice u will be meting out to yourself.

Johnny is a sales professional who takes his job seriously. Not only does he enjoy selling he also is a keen observer of the people he deals with day in and day out. Johnny like every other sales professional needs his daily dose of motivation, which was what contributed to his success in his previous organization; but he was in for a surprise when he joined a new company recently. The culture in the new companty was to push people into doing things and not pulling them together to out perform.However the student in Johnny’s personality took it up as a challenging study and he learnt a few valuable lessons on the way.

Johnny’s immediate superior whose name was Mr. Bravo was unknowingly imparting Johnny with career saving lessons on how not to deal with his own team in the future.

Mr. Bravo was a boss who would never smile at his team. The only time his team saw Mr.Bravo smile was when he was in conversation with other associates in the company who did not directly work with him. The frown on Mr. Bravo’s forehead was constant while he interacted with his team and it would only disappear in the midst of others.This made the team very uncomfortable in his presence and they preffered staying away from him.

What Johnny learnt- Be firm as a leader but iron out that frown on your forehead when you speak and interact with your own team. A smile opens up the windows of the heart of a sales person allowing for the free flowing wind of information that s/he gathers through his inteaction with clients and customers of the company.

Mr. Bravo had a strange habit of chuckling mockingly at his team members when they would be giving him an update, or sharing a view point or just having an informal chat; giving them an impression that he wasn’t believing what they were saying or worse dismissing their very presence. This made them nervous and unsteady while communicating with him,which was more reason for Mr. Bravo to ridicule them further.

What Johnny learnt- Be patient and respect your team’s feedback, give them reason to believe that you empathize with them and are listening to them.

When Johnny went up to Mr. Bravo one day and suggested an idea on the way forward for a particular project he was told to spend more time out of office than ideating on way forward. "There are other people who are paid to think, you just do what you are supposed to" was Mr. Bravo's salvo to Jihnny.Neither could Johnny articulate his thoughts when he heard this nor did it help his morale on the whole. Every time Johnny stood up to say something he would hear words like, “Are you crazy?” or “How insignificant an observation, grow up Johnny!”, Ill shoot you the next time you say something stupid".

Such criticism on a regular basis killed Johnny’s spirit and he decided to move on in life.

What Johnny learnt- There are two ways of training a pup, you can beat it into submission and turn his bark into a whimper, or you can treat him like a friend so that he serves you faithfully for life. Johnny chose the latter and is a successful leader today. Do you empathise with Johnny? Or are you Bravo himself?

Regards,
Fabian Trevor Cowan
Founder Trainer & Facilitator

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